Rage and Redemption
THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN EDITED FOR THE EASE OF UNDERSTANDING FOR THE MEATBAGS WHO ARE ATTEMPTING TO LOG THIS UNITS EXISTENCE. THIS UNIT IS AMUSED BY THE MEATBAG’S INSISTENCE THAT EDITING OF THIS ACCOUNT IS NEEDED, AS THIS UNIT HAS NO FEELINGS AND CAN PROVIDE A PERFECT RECOUNTING OF EVENTS AS THIS UNIT HAS EXPERIENCED THEM, SAVE IN THE EVENT OF DATA CORRUPTION.
>:This Unit was part of a successful attempt to remove Mist from the Emergency Exit of Death’s Head Ranch.
>One of the Squishies (Meatbag #0010110011011; ASH) displayed a remarkable ability to interface with this UNIT’s advanced technology, and developed a suit to protect this UNIT’s systems from the MIST, allowing enough cool air to vent both in and out.
>…System Protection Suit Engaged.
>:This Unit proceeded upstairs, where the squishies and this UNIT discovered the farmhouse to be surrounded by Mist and sets of glowing eyes. This Unit was tasked with counting them, but did not inherit the abilities it’s mother(possibly a Calulator) could have passed down,and was able to determine only that there were more than three Undead Squishies outside the ranch-house.
>:Primary Programming suggested the most logical course of action would be to execute Christine Sturm, denying the undead forces another UNIT, and, of personal interest to this UNIT, denying the Meatbag who insulted this unit anything she would desire.
>:As it unfolded, this UNIT realized that Jade desired C.STURM for mating purposes, and the feeling was apparently mutual. My database tells me that reproduction cannot be achieved between two females of any known species;
>All Systems Nominal…
>:The illogicality of this attempt temporarily overwhelmed this UNIT’s logic core, requiring a complete reboot.
>:When this unit rebooted, it was ordered to assist with repairing the satellite up-link in the ranch, which, thanks to a little sweet talking with the lovely computer system, this UNIT achieved, proving once again the superiority of the Machine Mind.
>:As a small detachment of Squishies left to reclaim supplies, this Unit accompanied them, and hopes that the squishies will be wise enough to leave the fighting to the Unit built for it.
Ginger’s DOUBLE Secret Super Special Diary DO NOT READ
I haven’t had a chance to write in a while, but now seems like a good time, after all the crazy.
So after we dealt with Jade, we decided to clean up the Nazi compound a little bit. We made gas-repellant clothes out of trash bags and used two doors to push the gas out of the secret passage, then went upstairs to see what the rest of the house looked like.
It looked good enough for Ash to rig up some explosives, but we barely had time to get that done before some Glowsticks and also Jade came back. She demanded all our infected, but we refused, of course. Then she asked us for Christine Sturm.
I’m a pretty perceptive person, I have to be to have lived this long, so I could tell that Christine was who she really wanted. Now, I’ve read a few books on therapy, so I put on my sympathy voice and asked her if she loved Jade. To my surprise, she said that she did, and that Micheal’s kids were ‘a mistake.’ I got Christine up there and threatened to blast her to bits if Jade didn’t leave, but Felix got angry at me.
To my even BIGGER shock, Christine wanted to go with Jade. There was nothing I could do but let her go. We just watched her walk off to have forever love, Maerwen and Electra style. The mist and zombies left soon after. It did get me thinking, though. If Christine and Jade could do it…
Well, all of our vehicles were destroyed, and everything in them as well, so we decided to head to Ash’s shed to make some explosives. We made sleds out of trucks and shelves to carry things in, then set out in the general direction of his shed. It took us about six days to get there, and when we did, there were some raider-type people standing around the bathrooms Ash normally meets at.
For a moment, it seemed like we were going to ambush them, but then we (suddenly) realized that was the exact opposite of what we should do and went to Ash’s shed instead. I helped him make some explosives while everyone else sat around a fire and told stories and stuff.
Soon enough, Carl brought his helicopter, and this time, Pavarotti too.
We loaded the explosives onto the helicopter and went back to Carl’s ocean fortress to get enough helicopter fuel to go to a junkyard north of Northtown.
One of the raiders came too, a Roamer Creed, who is fairly terrifying but also pretty laid back. There, Ash and I tried to fix up some helicopters for Carl.
We managed to rig one up to be some kind of warcopter aimed by a DS with like eight guns, it was amazing.
Then it was Ash’s birthday. I made a cake for him with Pete, and after we were done working on helicopters, I gave it to him and we had a party.
We got super wasted on whiskey from Ash’s stills, and I made one off-hand remark about how I would have jumped out of the cake if I had a bikini, ha ha.
The next thing I knew, I was wearing a bikini and now I am no longer a virgin.
We were interrupted from our reverie by gunshots, and immediately had to sew up Warbot’s manly bits, as they were shot off.
Everything is chaotic now, so I haven’t a chance to discuss anything with Ash yet.
I just took a moment to write all this in case I die soon, which, as always, is likely.
I hope Ash isn’t angry about the whole, you know, bleeding disorder thing.
Oh yeah, Carl got lucky with a zombie. A zombie! I didn’t even know that was an option.